Friday 2/19/2010 ~ What I Have
Learned From TV
If you're like me, you're fascinated
by guitar model designations. ("Hey, is that a D-28 in your
pocket?... or is it an HD-28?... or HD-28V?")
This week we sold two new Rickenbacker
"C Series" guitars (325C58 and 325C64) and one "V
Series" (350V63)... and, naturally, the first question that
comes to mind is:
Why does Rickenbacker have four of the new "C Series"
guitars in their price list, while one guitar still carries the
older "V Series" designation? Good question! And I
have the answer. Unfortunately, my wrists hurt so much from standing
on a ladder yesterday, hammering ice out of our frozen gutters,
to stop water from leaking into the building, that it has taken
me fifteen minutes just to type this far. (Ow...ow...)
Let's talk about why a Martin
000C-16RGTE is called an 000C-16RGTE next week... after we make
it through one more week of snow issues...
Meanwhile, since the roads have
been bad nearly every evening (and the electricity is back on!),
I've been watching a lot of movies on TV.
Here's what I've learned from
1. When paying for a taxi, never
look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at
random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
2. If being chased through town,
you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade
-- at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped
top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman
but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags
contain at least one loaf of French bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land
a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk
6. Many musical instruments can
be played without moving your fingers.
7. The ventilation system of
any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think
of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part
of the building without difficulty.
8. Mothers routinely cook eggs,
bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though
the husband and children never have time to eat them.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself
off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the
language. A German accent will do.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen
from any window of any building in Paris.
11. A single match will be sufficient
to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
12. A man will show no pain while
taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to clean his wounds.
13. People on TV never finish
14. During all police investigations,
it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
15. Any person waking from a
nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
16. Kitchens don't have light
switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the
fridge door and use that light instead.
17. One man shooting at 20 men
has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at
18. If a phone line is broken,
communication can be restored by frantically beating the
cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
19. Cars and trucks that crash
will almost always burst into flames.
20. Most people keep a scrapbook
of newspaper clippings -- especially if any of their family or
friends has died in a strange boating accident.
21. When they are alone, all
foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
22. If a killer is lurking in
your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath
-- even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect
24. When you turn out the light
to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly
visible, just slightly bluish.
25. Dogs always know who's bad
and will naturally bark at them.
26. Action heroes never face
charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire
cities to waste.
27. Even when driving down a
perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering
wheel from left to right every few moments.
28. No matter how badly a spaceship
is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
29. All bombs are fitted with
electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know
exactly when they're going to go off.
30. Having a job of any kind
will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
31. It is always possible to
park directly outside the building you are visiting.
32. It does not matter if you
are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts --
your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by
dancing around in threatening manner until you have knocked out
33. During a very emotional confrontation,
instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary
to stand behind them and talk to their back.
34. Guns are like disposable
razors -- if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away.
You can always find a new one.
35. Make-up can safely be worn
to bed without smudging.
36. A detective can only solve
a case once he has been suspended from duty.
37. Rather than wasting bullets,
megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated
machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers,
and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least
20 minutes to escape.
38. The chief of police is always
39. When leaving your home or
apartment it's never necessary to lock the door behind you.
40. If there is a deranged killer
on the loose, this event will coincide with a thunderstorm that
has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
See you soon,
PS: To save ease my painful arms
and wrists I just copied all of the above TV/movie things from
the internet. I don't know who originally compiled the list...
but it was on the internet, where everything is free to copy!
PPS: Sam organizing new guitar and amp arrivals!
PPPS: Customer of the week: Aviation